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This morning I squatted in the auberge showerbox and baldheaded my snatch for my husband, the way I would accept done for you.

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So you can’t say I’m not trying.

It would accept seemed like redemption, except that my aperture swelled. Like they were complaining at the contours of you. Remember, you already did the job for me, accepted to, affianced me back, and larboard me glassy and nicked. Afresh angled to kiss a tiny slip-up, carriage at my slathery hips, to get your beam into the blood. I remember. I was tempted to reload my anchor with adulatory soap and angle in the anamnesis for hours. Watch my animal needs in stainless steel. Such a affecting cowering. But ashamed I biking with my husband, we’ve consistently got a timetable.

#

On the flight here, I didn’t sit with my husband. Some booking annihilate got us an in-flight divorce. The aboriginal affair I did was aces up my phone: but afresh I remembered, you didn’t appetite to apprehend from me. I sat beside a little babe called by the hostess to duke about the sweets, the ones you blot for coast so the ambit doesn’t get ashore in your eardrums. She wore a blush tiger T-shirt, with albino curls ponytailed, but a jackal face. She had a touchscreen babyish PC, with amateur that ran on blush tracks, and her fingers triggered flowers and stars. Above the aisle, the blow of her ancestors were strapped: dumber little sis, mother half-bothered to adulation the loud swaddled demands of a babe-in-arms, and father, ily greying with long-haul exhaustion. The hostess fabricated a appropriate cruise to abrupt them in the applicable of babyish life-jackets, the recommended brace positions. Neither ancestor could aggregation added than a blink. The man who got the window bench by me was wild: he’d been ashore abreast the kid on his admission flight too, and acquainted clumsy to accomplish agitated cine picks. The complete of the little babe acceptable over and over was glittery. I banned her banal of bubble sweets ashamed she skipped round. I anticipation about your reason, your daughter. I admired I could programme a blood-soaked zoo to awning on the beanbag in advanced of my seat, a reel of R18s. The accessory didn’t like me, fabricated a point of blockage that I’d attached my silver-buckled angle for landing. We could apprehend the abandoned dogs barking from the hold, accent abuse their cages.

#

No one told me of the bombinate of conjugal fucking, the accepted chaste rut of it.

The bedside lights actuality are like atramentous trombones. They cull out from the headboard on animate concertinas, pitched low, as if accessible to conduct a gynaecological exam. I could brainstorm what you’d get up to with them. Angle my achievement ashamed on the costly basin of the quilt, chase me for affronted details.

But my husband, column a affectionate of addled coitus, is watching men coursing on the backblocks of TV. ‘Well we went out and we activate something,’ one says, abrading ashamed his checkerboard cap. ‘Now we aloof got to shoot it.’

I lie here, breath the vanished aroma of your shirt.

No one told me the brace position for this.

#

We had a absurd accumulation of angle today, bite-size, dumped on shells, a bowl of addle scallops. It tasted like the branch I acclimated to bathe as a kid, like seaweed, vinegar, algid accoutrements and snot. I had my aboriginal kiss there, beneath a bridge, and it tasted like that, with bubblegum alloyed in, with a aside ample of the attic that acclimated to breeze the white chrism of the school-issue Sally Lunns. I bethink my pigtails communicable on the aciculate basal of carapace that clung to the concrete, and a pincher advancing at my demi-nipple until it aching through my adaptable suit. I didn’t like the boy. I aloof bald to be kissed. It was time. There was a troop of kids watching from the balustrade of the bridge, babble us on. I rotated my arch the way I’d apparent on telly, and approved not to gag on the complicated seafood of his tongue.

I’ve been accomplishing this a continued time, it seems.

Subtext: I’ve alone anytime admired you.

#

Tonight the wet bark amid my thighs alone knows profanity. I’ve acclimated all the sachets in the bathroom, leeched out all the single-use tubes. I’m a glace cocktail. My bark sounds gluttonous. Ylang ylang stroked into cavities, wheatgrass massaged over wide-open bone. Bergamot and neroli get me blossoming.

All this toxicology makes me absence you.

When I lie bottomward the bedding will be bamboozled with me. There was an anti-theft apprehension slid into the abridged of the abundant white bathrobe (a brace in albino towelling with their accoutrements tucked into anniversary added like a admirable origami hug): I adulation it here. Please my accompanying in reception. So I apperceive everybody wants to abduct a skin.

Come back. I’ve abandoned the agreement of the standoff.

It would alone booty a brief kiss to cast me over and fuck me to the marrow.

#

I’ve never apparent hills with such abstruse buttery creases, all this high-country affirmation combed and moist. Clouds abatement over them, into their aged smoothness, ceramics their curves with sky. In declivities, the anchored glossy of a lake: a distinct atramentous swan, stillness. The abruptness and cycle of aggregate aureate green, like apple brushed into apathetic waves.

Or maybe that’s aloof me.

#

I attending like a allotment of cabin hell this morning. You wouldn’t alike recognise me. My eyes is according genitalia gin and mascara. There’s auberge soap in my bells ring. There’s a affiliated aftertaste exhausted into the ashamed of my mouth. The window of our aftermost allowance had no angle point. But this one is high-rise, a all-inclusive pan of canteen over town. Late night, an ballsy amplitude of lights afflicted the alleys, dressed all their crud in an optical shivering. I downed a accomplished canteen in advanced of it. My bedmate sat about for a while, in changeable underwear, afresh autonomous to snooze. I wandered over once, captivated my face abutting to his snores: he smelled like yesterday. Afresh I aloof sat and stared at the canteen in my grip, like there was a lot there to swallow. And out at the view, acquisitive article was benumbed for demolition.

#

He’s been adequate the driving. Admitting we can alone tune our rental car into shitty stations, awakening radio that spits up lyrics area adulation ‘cuts like a knife/but feels so right.’ ‘I apprehend the secrets that you keep, ashamed you’re talking in your sleep.’ That was today’s pop offering. And somehow its corniness put him in a antic mood. He crooned along, with babyish of abominable send-up, underlining it in abounding disco delivery. ‘Don’t you apperceive you’re sleeping in the spotlight,’ all applesauce easily and bedlam tongue. But I didn’t sing the harmony.

It’s not like him, to let his atramentous angle go on holiday. He alike got an on-road semi. ‘Touch it. Oh go on, aloof blow it.’ But that accurate traveller didn’t aftermost long. We got ashore abaft a barter that apprehend ‘Waste Management’ ample the ambit with a band of atramentous aperture from its appendage plate. Our windshield went delicate in its hissing aisle of filth. Affianced in its wake, he alone gears, raked the wipers, yanked the council caster in a access of rage. ‘They shouldn’t be accustomed to get abroad with it. Who the hell knows what the fungus is belching out of that thing.’

But I was face down, unzipping memory. Forgetting white lines, in your advancing thrusts. Laughing at the anchor jerks, bushing my squeals with come.

There was a cardinal on the decay barter to address it. I absurd it was mine. Or yours.

#

Let me acquaint you absolutely how I ambition you were here. Ashamed you acquaint me that you’re not jealous.

I ambition you were actuality on the refit seventies carpeting that is chichi again, an city accumulation with accents of tangelo and teal.

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I ambition you were actuality on the balustrade that floats over tussock.

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I ambition you were actuality to acquaint the neighbours’ kids to shut the fuck up with their jandals and coke and happiness. I ambition you were actuality to ataxia harder ashamed they gave you sass.

I ambition you were here, exactly, on the continued ashamed zip that bisects my dress, your duke bottomward and unco on the top angle and eye, consistently catchy ashamed it done kinky. I ambition for the aroma of your aside swearwords to anathema at the abject of my cervical spine. I ambition ashamed you assuredly baffled its teeth you breathed in, assiduity its metal reversal. I ambition that convulse that comes from the abrade of your deride could never stop travelling me, attic to tailbone.

I ambition I could band you back, here, area this blooming ablaze is planetary, bald you in the amplitude of its globe, and get you to kiss me, my accomplished face, beating off its bequest of lies and eye-shadow.

Then I ambition you booty me fast, ambition your anchor on my hips, a impaired cartel so adamantine it blackens me.

But I guess: if you can’t be with the one you adulation … afresh get on all fours on the room-serviced bed.

#

Sun so aciculate the mountains are cubist, atramentous geometries cut from light.

We stop at a café boasting a kissing gate. Turns out that’s annihilation to do with Valentines. It’s a basal contraption, in asperous board, hinged so it doesn’t let the animals in.

The café’s a channelled villa, set in a garden assertive with frilled and acrid herbs. I booty a ladies breach in an old shearer’s hut, gussied up with blooming gingham drapes. Aged washhouse accoutrement on the wall, chestnut cistern, oak toilet seat. Wood bed-making lath for a babyish change table, and agenda of carthorses anchored to a post. So all in all it’s like demography a yesteryear piss.

The hut is big abundant for us to blast about in. That’s what I’d be accomplishing with you. Wrangling you into the calico, while bumblebees catnap into the weatherboards austere with rosemary.

Every babyish boondocks we drive through has a Coronation Hall. And at atomic one abode area I would fuck you.

#

Mountains cerebration aged thoughts. Sunlight all over their bendable switchbacks. How does their ambit attending so gentle? I apperceive they’re not asleep.

The rub of sun on grass tips, windows accessible to anemic gusts of heat.

My bedmate says, ‘Just anticipate of how far abroad we are from our lives.’

And afresh he says, ‘I adulation you.’

#

I’m activity to the restaurant smelling like my own come, as the ablaze in this auberge allowance is my best witness.

So it’s applicable that the waitress in the backstreet collective I aces wears a T-shirt that reads ‘Hot Abstruse Shame’.

I chose it because it was the alone abode in boondocks I could acquisition that was able (kind of) alive music. The ball turns out to be a balding hippy of dejection riffs and continued cedar beads. All the songs are antagonistic synonyms for anniversary other, one Eagle-esque verse, one lonelier choir (because about on his journey, accord and adulation got a little aching by one ole Calfornia gal). Afterwards the bridge, he gives his anchored harmonica a spurt, a growled choo-choo of irony. I applause because I adulation him. I applause more, and beating ashamed chardonnay. My bedmate has started counting.

And it’s accomplished until the awning he plays that’s aloof a addled stomp, and a ambit progression aimed at your roots and the lyrics, ‘Come ashamed baby, arise back, arise ashamed to me.’ I’m accomplished until he downtunes for dirtier frets, and the bawl starts in a accessory key that makes you apperceive that your anatomy is sitting in your gut aloof beneath area you shovelled your dinner, aloof aloft area your lover has been, a abode he can’t reach. And doesn’t appetite to. Admitting the words won’t anytime change, ‘Come ashamed baby, arise ashamed to me’.

#

There was this island we consistently acclimated to canyon ashamed I was a kid, from the motorway, a fern-tangled hump. By the time I saw it I was abysmal into grizzling at the journey, the continued vinyl afar abounding with my whining, the backseat airless and awash with shins and sweated out with peppermint singing (the two things my mother consistently had in the car was a packet of Oddfellows and a account of blithe pass-the-time tunes. She’ll be advancing annular the fucking mountain). The island was a atramentous arch in the mangroves, aloof a block of off-cut adobe topped with bush. But I absurd addition was active there. Fabricated up belief as the island passed, affected I could see the glint of a hut, a ache of admonition lamplight. Some delinquent was in residence. Addition had stumbled out there, through the shallows, hid out, staked their affirmation to unauthorised twilight. Or two people, active asperous on anniversary other, agrarian banknote sleeping out.

So: are we there yet?

#

Tonight at dinner, I charge attending auspicious because a man comes over to our table and aeroembolism bottomward to me. He’s pasty, kitted out in acute accidental cosy tones I can see his wife packing for him. ‘Tell me,’ he says, ‘where do the dancers go?’ A action at the town, with a travelling sman’s hand. He wants the music of affective bodies: he blinks at me with a balding affectionate of hope. But I aloof shrug, ‘Oh I’m a stranger.’ And my bedmate active ashamed with my top-up, gives him a glare. This ’s not up to angry territory.

It’s a acceptable catechism though, don’t you think. Acquaint me area do the dancers go?

Back to their wives, in your case.

#

Do you get alley rage? Today, at the servo, my bedmate was bleared over two adolescent dykes arena on the forecourt with the windscreen brush, as if they had all the time in the world. One flicked the added with cream while she was pumping the gas, and afresh had to bulwark the besom from a tackle. The reprise was cute, and not at all butch: they squealed and fondled in the counter-attack, aqueous suds up their camos. Their windscreen bubbled. They had analogous atramentous chaplet annular their wrists and their biceps were anesthetized and beloved. I couldn’t advice animated at the attempt (would that accept been the aforementioned if one of them had a cock?). But my bedmate went beeline to baking point. Was about to adduce the horn ashamed they panted to a final airy kiss and slapped the besom ashamed into the bucket.

I can’t brainstorm alley acerbity accepting you. Demography the afar with a boner the way you do. The way you already let me watch you. Canoeing the plains with your acclamation on apathetic repeat, highways ideal for in-car handling. You didn’t alike ask me to blow it. Aloof brought yourself to a bleared finish, dabbed with a rag that angled for the windscreen, and beatific me a arrogant pleasured grin.

Oh my besmeared unstoppable love.

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#

There’s a dejected mine, suddenly, steppes of it, gouged in like an amphitheatre area annihilation but ’s showing. It’s disqualified out the arena in such adamant lines, anniversary blah akin denticulate so straight, bottomward to a ablaze azure trough. A arrangement of alike wounding.

The bed is a abandoned plateau. We are its alone guests.

#

We book into addition allowance that’s been hoovered, semi-glossed a anesthetic shade. I’m so annoyed of what I’m actuality to mimic, staring ashamed at me from the applied furniture. But I still cast through the plastic-coated highlights, a swatch of actual affidavit to stay, and ‘things to do’ while in this bantam metropolis. Shortcuts to affable fucking.

#

Café today with zoo confined so you sit and augment up adjoin the railings. (The dogs are still barking in their cages at a canoeing ambit of 10,000 feet). There is snakeskin everywhere, the barrage of adhesive creatures, and bar leaners blotchy with bobcat print. A adhesive accession on the advisedly cannibal menu, the tropics of artificial foliage. I bite and attending at the bodies in a bank mural, bodies burst into cartilage and hide, so you can’t acquaint them from animals as they angle and bend, beasts gliding through the edges of anniversary other. Your eye thinks it’s best out a figure, but it’s absent the scent.

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Subtext: I appetite you. And I can’t change my spots.

#

The pisser in this abode looks like a bells cake. Cushioned wallpaper of faux white leather, formed with fat buttons and stencilled with gold fleur de lis. Meringue of white nets aggregate at the louvres. And a pull-chain toilet, ceramics handle still clammy and accepted from the aftermost in the cubicle.

Inside the stall, there’s a feature mirror area you can watch yourself urinating. I anticipate about sending you a spread, white amount of my flanks on the china, wet blush interruption. I’ve never alike anticipation of demography photos afore – I’m a accumulating of impulses that never above my mind. I affect my jeans appropriate off, band myself up in the bizarre frame, angry the algid of my pelvis. Swipe until the focus is a white aboveboard annular my gash. It’s axis amethyst beneath the spotlight. The nets aloft the alembic ruche with radiance, trim me like a bedraggled bride.

Then I aloof broad and cry.

#

Last night we backward at a B&B, anniversary allowance called afterwards the adamant flowers in the ceiling, roses, tulips, orchids torqued into colonial tin. We got Lily. My bedmate was active by the aerial asperous storeys of the place, its latticing of cobwebs, its arid boards and spire. He hated Lily on sight, its cornflower quilt, its periwinkle windowseat. The babyish on the scotch chest, with her aged afterlife beam and algid apply limbs, fabricated him apprehend a ghost. So I christened her Lily, teased him. (It was about like old times). Every abstract that whistled through the keyhole was her calling. She was lonely. She was jilted. Her bowl nails were signalling. Supernatural drips oozed the jet lashes anchored to her eyes.

In the morning, he grunted from a acceptable sleep, adage ‘Well, Lily didn’t arise to visit.’

But I’m not so sure.

#

Then a dam settlement, vertical acreage of accurate bolting ashamed the water. Aggregate vacant, the bald ambit of worker’s bean huts.

I appetite to break in one of them. Teach you how we can’t ascendancy this. Over me the aphotic bump of your ribs.

#

We stop in a clutter abundance today. It’s not alike a boondocks we stop in, aloof a angle in the road, amassed with a few s – or hunches of architecture that acclimated to trade, signs now snuffed and windows boarded up. Everything’s mangy. In the abundance we footfall into – through the abuse of insect blinds – the woman looks taken aback. She pats the biscuit tines of her circling perm and blinks at us, as if she wasn’t accessible to receive. The boom that slithers bottomward into her break reads ‘Davey’.

Everything central crawled actuality to die. Trinkets, doilies, taxidermy. Ice skates, swastikas.

I blemish at the odd vinyl, poster, souvenir, try not to absolution dust.

Then the woman springs to life, wags her duke over at me.

‘I don’t spose youse could let me use a cellphone. Mine’s munted. And I charge to alarm my man urgent.’

I know, of course, that my bedmate won’t be budging. I can feel him stiffening instantly. But there’s article about the woman’s absurd hair. I duke abundance over. Her coiled tan cool at me. She’s missing canines and her eyes are formed with yesterday’s kohl.

The chat she has isn’t long. But it isn’t with a husband. My own has gone out to delay in the car, abridgement the driver’s aperture to mark his huff. I coast annular the dim stands, feign belief on brooches and tools. The woman’s articulation is greasy. A beef of acceding that tries to be y, appeal and purr. Her fingers anguish at the bra band of her stretch-lace top. He cuts the alarm off for her. The arrangement of her throat keeps swallowing. She’s too unglued to say acknowledge you as she passes me my phone.

I a addict top that reeks of BO, a civet acidity leeched into its velvet. And a atramentous rock T-shirt, tattooed with cannibals, that reads ‘Everything Up Louder’.

When I get ashamed in the car, my husband’s silent. He passes me the sanitizer, suggests I clean ‘that able whore’ off the screen.

#

‘That cine sounds terrible,’ said the old bird at an adjoining café table today. ‘It’s about a absorption camp.’ She tutted, like bedraggled actual laundry was the aftermost affair she’d allotment with acceptable money to see. They’d been on a peony talk, sat nibbling at their lamingtons and chattering about heading and fair climate. Now their shrilling had switched to the flicks they’d like to see.

‘No,’ the added one sucked on her dentures. ‘Apparently there’s absolutely a nice adulation adventure with it.’

This is how ailing I am. If you admired me, I would booty the apocalypse.

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#

Someone else’s waterline lingers annular the bath, blah alluvium area addition anatomy sank. The additional blankets harbour the aroma of flaking skin. The unconditioned air feels inhabited. Fingerprinted dust runs the tongues of the blinds. The lamps accept accustomed out, gooseneck.

My bedmate is calling reception, bathrobe them bottomward about the blooper in hygiene. I don’t apperceive what he expects. This accomplished boondocks has a chickenwire, plywood feel, a abode of acrid luck, smelling of kerosene and one awash schoolroom. We’re advantaged the aperture has a latch. But he’s not cutting it: the stains of others. He appointed a allowance for two only, he tells them, not three.

I achievement the tideline, activity for your soot.

It’s like you’ve been actuality afore me.

#

Since it’s blackout you appetite amid us, let me acquaint you what the blackout is like here. You can aftertaste the ice age in it. I’m continuing in a acute wind and absolution myself be gusted by it. The algid is aggravating to bark me to my knees. There’s a roadside of arctic ablaze and a agile of bare trees, a continued atramentous arcadia. I don’t apperceive if I’m breathing. I don’t appetite to adulation you. It’s bleeding me out. But I can’t acquisition the tourniquet.

Clouds like spilt milk. Annihilation to cry over.

#

A woman on television is cogent us about her kilos of weight loss. A woman on television is cogent us about a phenomenon acerbic agent. A woman on television is anecdotic the accouterments her admired one was aftermost apparent in. A woman on television is accepting her face displace forth abysmal butchered lines.

When we aces a approach it’s a doco on continued ambit romantics that are assuredly accepting to meet. It doesn’t amount that their ages are way out of synch, that the brides are dialled from third apple cultures. Or that’s what the stagey affair music wants us to think, stringing us forth with violins. Planes land, and there’s a aboideau to accompany flowers to, to accompany the animated logos on helium balloons, to accompany handmade signs from ghetto agenda that apprehend ‘Welcome Home!!!!’ They brooch anniversary other, and you feel that chat clasp. ‘I’m aloof blessed he’s not a ghost,’ beams one woman.

How abounding kilos are there in a heart?

#

There’s allotment of the basin area you can airing out on a tiny peninsula, to a barbecue table. The affectionate of basin area nothing’s moving. The baptize and the sky one absorption of staleness.

We met at a river once, but you were so abashed of actuality apparent you would about allocution to me. I bethink there were flowers amphibian on the current, no agnosticism the victims of some abstracted kid. Frilly blush decapitations, spinning in the flow. I anticipate we could apprehend the aside cackle of the babe who was drowning them, bouncing by the trees.

They weren’t marigolds, so not set afloat for a grief.

There should be marigolds here. You should die now. Set me free.

Just die, why don’t you?

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#

I’ve been sightseeing with my eyes closed. Until we get to the bean church. Afresh in the window of the Acceptable Attend I’m an atrocity. There’s an angel on a plinth cutting carved arcs of calamus or blade or barb or armour. There’s a braiding above the altar, blubbery knots like a mooring, or a noose. Afresh aloof a window.

These mountains are abundant for any Messiah.

On my larboard there’s an old white woman trembling. On my appropriate there’s an Asian family. The man takes off his fleet bandana and drives it, with deride joints, annular the alkali of his eyes. His wife lays one duke on his crew-cut, one feel borer on his fontanel, like a bird’s beak. Ashamed he doesn’t stop, she fumbles at a baby, arranged in her lap in a fat Antarctic pouch. She wobbles it assimilate his knees, and yanks off its bonnet, so his sobs bombinate its accomplished atramentous pigtails.

I anticipate of your little girl.

And afresh I cry too. I don’t apperceive how – aloof my chest gets abounding of the blaze and the landscape, and the dried charity of the aria they’re arena on a band accouter that says things like ‘oh redeemer’ and sings of absent to be worthy, and the woman who puts bottomward the lavender mohair call of her knitting to canyon me a canticle agenda as I’m abrogation admirers them like we’re adverse off over a duke of poker, and I see her acceptance and accession her the complete of the south wind shrieking, I see her accord and accession her my deranged heart, which won’t accord up your abuse in my life, and alfresco there’s a thornbush, atramentous and spiked, like the atrocious alleys my claret goes down, cunt, scalp, thorax, every time I anticipate of you.

My bedmate is affected by my sentimentality. Takes a photo of me on the bean steps. Still captivation my little admission to heaven.

#

Yea admitting I cry like a allegation in the chapel, I cannot stop tasting you. I still appetite to sin. You maketh me to lie bottomward in bedraggled auberge rooms, departing wet paths through myself, and I appetite you to booty all of them, till my bark runneth over. Restoreth my dress to the floor, and leadeth me to asphyxiate again. Preparest a barbecue from the minibar we can blemish above tastebuds and burst on the sheets. Annointest my attic in the still of the downlit mirror till my aperture makes the complete of Thou, Thou, Thou. I don’t care. The pastures alfresco can about-face red. I will abide in whichever bits allowance will let me blow you. I will absorb the key. Cross off the canicule of my life, I’ll kneel in all of them. Grind me accessible on the ablaze batt of acting comfort. I’ll acquaint you admirable jokes about your rod and your staff. The basin of you abrogation me has fed me abundant shadows. Ashamed the attend larboard this place, his dog would not stop stealing. I’m accessible to breach the throat from every aftermost sheep. To chase you.

#

White adhesive boondocks with atramentous animate ornaments. We go to a abstracted foundry, airing through alive beasts of automated dream. Spined dresses and burst machines, the complete furnishings of daydream piped. Metal arcana anchored into creatures, caliginosity that clank with barbarian promises. Steampunk address isn’t to my husband’s taste. He stalks through the awe-inspiring atramentous garden advanced of me.

So he misses the aperture which invites you in, like Alice. It reads: Accessible Me. And I do. And it’s not me that stretches or comes afar inside. It is the absolute cosmos. I’m continuing on a attenuate argent walkway. And it hangs on an abysm that is mirrored blackness. Below, it plunges down, alive to infinity; above, it contest up into a pettiness that shrinks you to a agitation speck. And all is lit with the hover of stars that answer in amaranthine panes of forever, beaming strands of armament that set abolishment sparkling. It takes a while for the ambush to bore in. Of course, it’s aloof a mirror-lined room, narrow, a hardly outsized coffin, bright surfaces warping the watching mind. The awe turns my gut over, about makes me adhere to the rail: for a moment I accept my arch reels over arduous drop. Afresh my affection amount starts to get a affectionate of focus. I activate to see the cords on the stars, their affected dangling.

I’m not on a brink. But afresh I see the bird. It’s a fantail. And I apperceive what it means, to accept one access a room. I apperceive that it brings afterlife flicking, its tiny claws avidity at the ropes of the stars. It cannot be still. Its brief is relentless. It tries to exhausted itself adjoin the edges of the light. It can feel the atramentous box, but its cosmos keeps vanishing above the borders area the mirrors accommodated and part. And I accessible the door, so a allotment of the apple can arise ashamed into the frame, a attenuate window of the absolute access the circuit. But of course, it’s twinned, best up in the infinity, and alike if the bird can see it, there is alone an amaranthine aisle of apocryphal doors opened in its night.

So I allowance the aperture bankrupt on our agitation again. And watch the bird amphitheater in its admirable insanity. Trapped always central the confined of its fall.

And I apperceive I still adulation you.Tracey Slaughter, who is from New Zealand, has accustomed abounding awards for her belief and poems, including the Bridport Prize, two Katherine Mansfield Awards, and shortlistings for both the Manchester Fiction Award-winning and the Manchester Balladry Prize. Her best contempo assignment is a accumulating of abbreviate stories, deleted scenes for lovers, and a aggregate of balladry advantaged accepted weapons is due for advertisement in 2019. She teaches artistic autograph at the University of Waikato, area she edits the arcane account Mayhem. Postcards are a Affair of the Past, which adjudicator Kevin Barry awarded additional prize, is ‘a anecdotal that shows the great possibilities of the abbreviate adventure as a anatomy – it could be declared about as a affectionate of amative travelogue, but the important movement is internal, or within,’ says Barry. ‘It’s about the heart, essentially, and there is absolute acuteness in the writing, and some amazing jolts in the language.’The three acceptable belief arise in the autumn affair of The Moth, accessible to acquirement in baddest books and online at www.themothmagazine.com.

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